Dad announced his death to all of us, although we didn’t know it at the time.

It was at my sister’s wedding, and he gave the strangest speech. He talked about his life and where he should be buried. He apologised for the pains he had caused us all, but promised that life would always do something for you if you asked clearly enough.

We all looked at each other: what was that about?

Then the wedding party moved to the American Club in Sydney. I remember my last moment with dad. I even have a photo. After all the toasts and dancing, I finally stumbled over to say bye. Dad took my hand in his, and I remember feeling something remarkable.

His hand was so soft, like a baby.

Through my drunken din of awareness, his touch electrified me. It jumped out and marked my memory. Only later did I realise its significance.

The police found him three days later.

He lived alone, and I visited him on Wednesday evenings. He had very little, so I usually went shopping and bought him stuff to eat. He loved lavishly buttering burnt toast on old newspapers - spread out to cover the tabletop:

“You just roll up the papers Jerry, so easy to clean up.”

My father was an eccentric to the end.

Anyway, now he was dead.

And I was stuck – losing the point of what I was doing, losing my Passion.

I knew I needed to give myself a cold shower, a jolt – something to wake me up.

Whenever you are stuck, you need external input to kick-start a new life. I discovered this while studying Gurdjieff’s student J. G. Bennett remarkable, little known classic “Enneagram Studies.” Bennett showed how development needs fuel. Your first fuel is your Passion – unlocking that can be a life’s work.

Based on Bennett’s work, I developed the Compass for BodyChance trainees. The Compass is a guide that shows you shows you how transformation works. It won’t solve your problems, but it will point you in the right direction. It’s a Compass of human development.

Passion is only a primary ingredient - it won’t make a cake.

Without external input, Passion peters out.

So I jumped off a mountain. 

Of course, I was harnassed and safe, but the fear is almost the same. I had joined the “6-Day Course” in California to indulge in a week of challenges. I was asking those questions I was usually too busy to ask. We also had to run every morning as though from a fire – as fast as you can for as long as you can. That was the challenge that woke me up.

On the 4th day, I wanted to give up.

I recognised that moment many times before. On that camp, I redecided that Alexander was still my path. I returned energised and ready to face the future.

And it was lucky, because I was about to embark on one of the most challenging periods of my life so far.