M03.04 Your Safe Place Part I | ATSuccess

M03.04 Your Safe Place Part I

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Interesting one, Jeremy. There is only one direct opposite of fear for me, and that is love. Lots of other things in between, but they are pretty subjective as , of course, different people feel different things at different times. So here, "Children are a perfect example – they are going through momentous changes, so what gives them greatest comfort is routine, consistency, two parents and no divorce. By giving them this environment, we give them the safety to change" my take would be, what gives them greatest comfort (and something invaluable for life) is love, love, love - not a perfect world, not no divorce, constant consistency; even nature doesn't have that, nor does it have routine. The comfort comes from the love of being held - actually or in thought - in a place of being believed in that you (the child) can handle this, will know what to do from your heart, to be held in your highest truth.

" People change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the fear of changing." Indeed, but they heal - as in, truly transform the old rather than paste over it - and move forwards when they feel in deeply safe, loving companionship, and that's my intention in my work, to companion in this way, as softly as possible, but also assertively sometimes if my direction is the one they need to feel confident in, theirs having monetarily dissolved.

This is The Place I am continuing to make- and it is already a place where people say they feel safe; safe enough to dare to change, where they say they feel in safe hands, and mostly where they say they feel safe because they DON'T have to change, because they are accepted just as they are. And then, with a soft truth, change grows out of that - almost backwards from where they think they ought to be, to where they already are; them selves.

Hmmm, it's a fine balance between creating a safe place for clients to rediscover themselves and to grow and blossom into who they already were. Some clients then seem to then grow an inflated ego after many lessons, thinking they 'know it all' and that sometimes leads to disrespect of the work and or me the teacher, struggling with this one at the moment in a few people!
Part of me wants to get really assertive and put them back in their place! Then I wonder if all the good work will be undone and we then have to rebuild trust. So I have inhibited that reaction so far, but am unsatisfied with the results my inhibition has led to. Obviously people come around to it eventually, but it's a difficult area.
Anyone know what I'm talking about? I feel I have strong yet respectful boundaries but that some people see a generous nature as something to be taken advantage of.
What goes around comes around I know, but aaarrrggghhhhhh. :) Aaaah that's better, thank you for the opportunity to privately rant!

Interesting one, Angela - wow; trying to think if that happens here, and I can't think of a time it has. But something in me now just 'wouldn't play' anyway. Maybe it's the difference between here and Surrey - I can well remember Surrey where it was a different teaching experience. But it was a long time ago too, and I have changed A Lot! Main thing that comes to mind though is that the real them, the real us in all of us, isn't arrogant or inflated; that's the them they think they ought to be. I guess that's why I wasn't that keen on the recent 'power poses' post that happened. True power is something from within and not something imposed from without, something we can 'do'. (Not suggesting for a minute that you are the one doing any imposing!)
Not sure if this helps any, but great you had the place to aaaargh it out! :-)

Thanks Annie, very helpful and making a note to myself ' not to play' that game. It only seems to happen with 'professionals' of a certain age ( 35 - 45 ), something like they can't believe you can be successful AND nice. Totally agree it's the acting out of what they feel they ought to be. And yes absolutely true power is from deep within, such a lovely thought, :)

:-) Ah yes, I so often quote something I heard Tommy Thompson say a few years back, and which he says a lot!.... "What is it you are doing in order to be who you think you ought to be in any given moment?" Sending you clarity and courage as you ask that of those people, Angela! But go for it; assist them to see they can be powerful and genuine (and genuine is genuine nice), and that their 'ought-doings' are the very things that are probably creating quite a lot of the problems! :-D

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